So we just kinda all celebrated the “Lunar” new year.

Usually very exciting but this year was kinda muted because of my mums illness.

If it wasnt for the kindness of my aunty who cooked for us, we wouldnt have had much in terms of an offering to our ancestors.

This year, we didn’t follow all the superstitions like we normally would. I mean how can you? We spent the entire 1st day of the year at a hospital which would be the last place anyone would want to be.

You know the superstition is that “you’ll be sick all year”. well it cant be helped because lets face it, doesnt matter time of year it would be, whether we celebrated new years or not, my mums going to still be sick.

It was a weird day for me anyhow.

I was woken up by my neighbours loud music. Someone was getting married (they’re not Asian)…

and by the time I got to the hospital and got to the lift, I encountered a family all red-eyed and tears. Someone from my mum’s ward had lost their fight to cancer. It was a sad day for them. I also found it frustrating on their behalf from what sounded like the funeral directors being absolute pr1cks to the family (they were trying to have the body removed from the hospital at a specific time due to religious reasons and it didnt sound like the person the on phone understood or accomodating).

Couple of doors down from my mums room, someone celebrated their birthday…

and i bumped into babies galore when I went to get lunch.

Basically in one day, i saw so many different stages of life (not particularly in the correct order).. but still.

Interesting,…

Every time I leave the hospital just feels like I’m abandoning my mum. It is truly one of the worst feelings

decided that my long straggly hair was enough.

so i went to the nearest hairdresser and lopped off a large portion of my hair.

it is now shoulder-ish length, pass the shoulders basically

my hair was almost closer to my waistline.

i see less split ends..

happy.

Today is another bad day. Mum can no longer hold food down. The meds to help her stop her nausea don’t really work.

Last night she endured an entire night of stomach cramps. Nothing the nurses gave helped and the meds she could probably take clash with her cancer treatment.

She’s also bloated, you can see it in her face. She’s now and truly bedridden. She can no longer get up, no energy to even talk or tell us that she wished her life would just be over already.

It’s tough watching your mother lie almost lifeless and having to endure all of this pain.

I wished treating cancer wasn’t like this.

In today’s advanced digital age… I still can’t fathom why it takes our big banks up to 2 business days to release funds when we’re doing a transfer to a different bank electronically.

It’s not like someone sits at the back of the pc, prints out our request and then has to physically walk across to the competitor’s bank and transfer the funds. One would assume that it would be all electronic. I would have assumed the banks would have streamlined these processes down to a tee where if possible a machine runs it instead of humans (because lets face it, machines are cheaper to run than people- you dont have to pay workcover for machines) yet they sit on our money for 2 whole days before anything happens.

I’m not stupid, I know the banks make money off hence the delay in transfers. Not sure what the “term” is and how it is that they do it… but hey… banks.. they gotta make some money somehow…

eventually, at some point, someone would clue on and legislate it and ban the banks in acting in a deceitful manner, because HEY… we all pay “FEES” for them to do something for us.. and if anyone should be earning the interest on our funds, it should be us.. not the banks.

Mum was reading an article in the “asian” newspapers out loud to me. The story that transpired kinda disturbed me.

* a husband had an online chat account, he eventually got involved in an internet scamming ring of sorts. Think golddiggers in poor Asian countries saying the right things but really only care about your money

*the wife started to get suspicious because everytime the phone rang or he received a text, he would undoubtly run off to his computer and spend hours on it and was making frequent trips to Asia (yeah thats  a tell tale sign)

*the wife, got a bit savvy and created a profile similiar to that of her husband, and used the same online site… CUT the story short, she followed her husband back to asia, caught him in the act (but he didn’t know that she knew). Somehow or other, the wife managed to weasel her way into the “scammers” ring and they told her that the chick her husband was with, was HIV positive.

*the wife told her husband to get himself checked out because of what she found out. He refused to believe her. One day a medical checkup confirmed what his wife said…

now the unfortunate thing about this… isn’t just the betrayl, or the lies, or the divorce..

the sad thing about this- was the wife catching HIV Aids from the husband because the time it took her to “work” out what was going on… obviously he had contracted the disease and infected her.

It is… a very sad and disturbing story.. i think i should stop buying my mum that newspaper.

I recently made the finalizations on the bridal group.

i finally got round to formally asking all of my friends who i wanted to be my bridesmaid. I have 4.

I’ve been blessed with some wonderful friends over the years…

these are the friends who I know undoubtly will support me through everything and will ensure that my day is going to be one hell of an enjoyable day.

It’s taken a little bit of work to figure out the groomsmen. At first- the fiance didn’t have enough people and then eventually he got stuck because he had too many people who thought could do it etc.

But at the end of the day, picking the bridal group should be somewhat strategic.. other than having even numbers or a great photo opportunity, these people should:

• be supoortive of you
• not make you feel bad for every decision you make- whether good or bad
• not hinder you on the day and make bad decisions on your behalf (argh- nightmare)
• actually be around and have a presence. If they’re not around “now”, when the time comes- what are the chances on the day?
• make you feel comfortable on who you are already and encourage that throughout
• agree to do the whacky things you plan to do (i plan to ask plenty from my friends HAHAHAH)

but i know i’ve chosen well…

i weighed myself the other day

83.7kgs

wtf

im supposed to be losing weight.. not gaining more weight

stress makes me eat more. actually i just eat plenty in general.

i am doomed to fat-ness for the rest of my life.

so i figured its better to embrace whatever size it is that i will be…

and even if it means i have to strip the house of curtains to make outfits.. i’d make peace with that…

shame though- we got only venetian blinds… now wouldnt that be a sight to see!

I would really love to go to Bali for the hens however as with whats been going on, that may be a possibility that might just be missed.

it’s all very sad…

who knew it would take cancer to ruin everything

I want out.

I really cant see myself doing this for the rest of my life (the career path that I somehow manage to fall into)

Ive never really known what i wanted to be in life. I knew any career in the medicine path would never have cut it. I can’t stomach blood or anything icky.

I’m no IT expert and numbers bore me (yet here I am working every day).

They say- do something you enjoy and the rest will follow.

I enjoy writing/typing in my blog. But in the 8- 9 years that I’ve blogged, this hasn’t made me any money. In fact google adsense for whatever reason has banned me. And I really can’t see this as a means to make ends meet. I don’t take this stuff seriously enough to make it worth my while. It’s more of a hobby than anything else- or a place to vent out my frustrations. It just so happens that I get to share it with you – the reader.

My other interests (and I do have a range of interests- far too many for my liking as well)…is skin care. But I’m not like one of those crazy people who spend all day reading up about the reviews of certain blogs or is so dead crazy on a skin care regime (mind you- mines somehow lost its way). But I do love the whole

-day spa thing.

Maybe it’s because it’s something I spend hundreds of dollars each year in pampering myself. But for whatever reason, it’s an industry I’m willing to step into.

But I just don’t want to be a beauty therapist only because if that’s all I had to do- it would eventually bore me to tears and the money’s not so great (it would take me years to earn the same amount of money that I’m on now).

However, i do want to own my own business one day. I’ve always wanted to be my own boss. I’ve always wondered about owning my own cafe or coffee place. but some of the hours that you gotta work don’t interest me.I also don’t want to be a makeup artists- i have no interest in makeup per se. I dont have that artistic flair in me to be able to envisage a certain “look” for someone. So that rules out things like hair dressing, floristry etc.

If I owned my own day spa, I think the challenge of being a business owner would be enough to keep me going before the next big thing in my life.

I’ve had a talk with the other half who really doesnt care what it is that I plan to do in the next 10 years of my life, so long as that I’m doing something and happy.

We’ll just see how things pan out