I am a creature of habit.  Let that be known.

I eat the same types of food and I ’m not usually advertureous from what I usually eat. That being said, at certain points in my life- I dine out a LOT, at some of the most amazing restaurants in and around Melbourne, always when in Sydney. When I’m dining at different restaurants then yes, the food that I eat is extremely different. But that’s because I’m forced to choose different foods considering half the places dont cook the same things.

But it’s when I’m not dining out, it’s when I become the creature of habit.

For example:

1. since starting in my new role, I buy the same lunch pack from Tower Sushi (Sushi Deluxe) with a bottle of coke- 5 days a week. I’ve been here since October
2. if i ever get breakfast (usually a minimum of 3 days a week) then its a large hot chocolate and a ham and cheese crossaint.

If I enjoy eating something… for whatever reason, I’d eat the same thing every day and not get sick of it. I remember when I worked at a particular employer for a good 8 months, all I had was tortellini marinara from the same italian cafe every single day.

But that’s not as bad as having three years worth of jam and butter in my bread for lunch every day during my primary school years. My dad tried different things to encourage me to eat OTHER things. The lunch either came back uneaten, thrown out in the bin at school…

 

But the best thing I ever did (and i still remember it to this day), was throw my egg and tuna sandwich (yes who the heck puts those two combos together!?!?!?) out. I didn’t throw it in the bin, no, I hid it behind the lockers… I vaguely remember having to leave the classroom as they fumigated the place because they couldn’t work out what the horrid smell was.

It took me a long time to be able to eat “egg” sandwiches again or tuna sandwiches.. without wanting to gag, yes the smell still makes me cry now.

 

 

 

What are you supposed to say to someone who says to you “I don’t think I’d be able to make it. The medication is too strong for me. I think I will die”

No matter how much positive reinforcements are used, at the end of the day… they are real fears.

 

Yesterday was another bad day. It started out terribly- she was throwing up, a side effect from the medication which made her extremely tired. By the afternoon, she sort of perked up and got a bit of energy in her. But you could tell she was exhausted.

My mum’s lost her smile, although being the typical asian mother- i don’t think she smiled much. But even her stern look of “OMG what the fruck are you doing!?!? didn’t i teach you better?” wasn’t there. She looks more ragged than before. She’s really over it.

And yesterday, before going home- that’s what she said to us (her kids). That she didn’t think her body could withstand the amount of meds that she’s supposed to take, especially with the chemo because currently she’s barely coping and it’s just the beginning.

It’s going to get a whole lot worse before it gets a whole lot better.

 

I have to stop myself from crying, and sound extremely positive and tell my mum that it’s going to be okay.

-Sure it’s going to suck eggs going through treatment but look on the brightside… at least she has a fighting chance. The doctors haven’t given up, neither should she. Part of getting better is to stay positive, if she’s negative- it’s not good.

-even though she’s sick, at least she doesn’t have something terminal.

I already know- she doesn’t buy it.

 

And this is why it’s hard… because it’s hard watching someone you love go through so much pain, and you’re asking them to fight through this awful pain… and that they’re giving up or wanting to give up. It’s hard to see someone who you’ve respected, admired and loved all these years be so scared and broken.

 

I hope today is a better day. My cousin usually cheers her up.

 

I’m really grateful for my aunty and my cousin… who have taken turns to keep my mum company during the week.

Without them, my mum would be alone in a large hospital.

My mum feels bad because they’re there when she thinks there are a million other things they could do then to sit with her all day at the hospital. But I know that my aunt and cousin wouldn’t want to be anywhere but at the hospital with my mum.

 

I know it’s lovely knowing that there are OTHER people than your immediate family who love you dearly… it always makes a difference. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                       

last week, i received a text message from an ex-colleague who asked me

“do you still remember your password to your laptop”

 

bearing in mind, i was asked to leave on the 31st of August 2012(due to working for a competitor)… and we are now literally in January 2013.

Even if I did remember my password, I am not obliged to tell them. Seriously, it was more than 4 months ago? Surely the IT department can help them out? All they need to do is have them reset my login password details, stick it into a network and bob’s your uncle.

I suspect that the I.T department disabled my profile and deleted it. However the laptop probably still has my credentials on it. I also suspect that they may have tried to log in but to no avail.

 

Even if they did log-in, there isn’t much to look at anyway.

 

I suspect that they are in need of certain “documents” which mind you- I have made hard copies for them at one point or another (i print everything)….but i suspect- people weren’t sure what they were looking at to begin with and possibly have had them shredded.

 

Neither of which is really my problem.

 

But it’s so unprofessional and absurd.

It goes to show- exactly how stupid people are and who I had to deal with on a daily basis.

 

Thank God- I left that hell hole

 

 

 

 

if things werent bad enough already…

turns out due to the lack of servicing or care (apparently my dad’s been doing a terrible job at it), my mum’s car is kinda fucked.. thats the nicest way i can put it.

The car now is over heating and my uncle says its due to the water +coolant thing having a literal crack in canister thing that they come in…

 

one extra problem that i now have try to sort out.

 

on top of the fact that my uncle- the lawyer who wrote up the “enduring power of attorney” stuff for me got our names wrong  so now i have to drive all the way to the other side of town to sort this out. It also means i have to double check all the legal paper work that he’s prepared. I appreciate it when people do things for us for free, out of the goodness of their own heart but it also annoys me when they do a rush crappy job about it too.

 

and whilst i type this, it sounds like one of our fire alarm thingys has a flat battery.

 

seriously- im not sure if i can handle any more problems before i go bananas..

im at a point where i dont know how much more i can handle..

 

 

So back to wedding talk…

 

1. we have decided that we will be sticking with the church.

2. gotta think about what gifts i would like my western guests are to buy for me. I do not want presents but hey, western people are not like asians. They dont understand the concept of cash. I will need to setup a registry. Myer says to organize it just a month prior to invitations being sent out

3. need to organize invites, flowers and car hire (again) we got a change of plans.

 

different types of stresses- not welcome at all

for the last two months, i was enjoying the lack of traffic.

And then the kids started school.

 

-_-”

now i have to leave the house 20minutes earlier so i can be at work at the same time i usually come in.

 

not enjoying this one bit

the hospital my mum is at has some terrific doctors and a lot of caring nurses…

but then you meet a bad apple every now and again.

 

I’ve met 2 so far.

There’s a chinese nurse, for whatever reason cannot return a smile. She looks so angry and when she talks, she’s abrupt- borderlining on rude. I dunno if it’s a cultural thing or if she’s just a sour puss in general, but gzz, she makes you feel like crap even if you had a good day.

And there’s another nurse who’s young-ish and she’s got one hell of an attitude problem. I could ask any nurse in the ward and they’re happy to answer and want to help even if they’re not the one that’s assigned to my mum. But this nurse gets cross if you ask her for anything, even if it’s just directions.

I think my mum once used the buzzer because she needed someone to cover her PIKK line, and that nurse came in. Her response was “u need to wait for your assigned nurse, i cant help you”.

Every other nurse would just do it whether they were assigned to the patient or not. Not this one. Why she bothered answering the buzzer is beyond me.

Why she has to be rude about it is another thing. It’s not like the patient is at fault. Nobody wants to be sick. The patients are tired, scared and helpless.

At first I thought she was having a bad day, (the one time i intereacted with her), and then soon realized it was just an attitude problem. It was a “not my problem” attitude. If it’s not her patient, it wasn’t her problem. Clearly not a team player.

I would hate to work with someone like that, let alone being the patient who has to deal with an idiot like that.

I dont know why this person chose to be in such a profession when TLC is the main point of focus. every other nurse is giving it, not this sourpuss.

 

 

 

 

The last couple of days when I have been visiting my mum at the hospital, I have noticed an old lady in a hospital gown standing at the side entrance smoking away.

It annoys me for 2 reasons:

1. she’s smoking in a non smoking area

2. she clearly is wasting the hospitals resources in fixing/saving her from whatever it is that she has by smoking. Frankly there are many more people who need treatment for something or other and wouldn’t be polluting their lungs with such rubbish.

 

On one particular day, everytime I went downstairs (which happened on a frequent basis), this lady was out there smoking away.

 

Seriously, what the heck.

 

All I do is give her the death stare.

my dad says “maybe she’s on her last leg… and wants to enjoy her ciggies”

last leg- people who are in hospital usually arent able to get up and walk a mile for a ciggie, they’re usually hooked up to IVs and looking very dire.

-_-

 

 

 

Love the internet.

My fiance needed one of those pens for his ipad.

All the stores here sell them for $21 for one. It’s NOT a bad price.

He went onto Ebay and bought 10 for $2 or so bucks delivered from HK.

 

It just goes to show how much we’re being ripped off here