hope you all have had a wonderful christmas!!!

 

my santa got me a clarisonic- it’s like a facial brush but better!!!

going to have awesome skin- provided that i use it every day!!!

 

hope santa was kind to you this year!

Sometimes even I can’t stay mad at my own Mr. Douchebag for long.

 

But i do hold grudges.. and i believe in pay backs and severe consequences.

 

Time to burn money! HIS money

I’m still angry- not as angry as yesterday…

we talked.

he doesnt get it.

but he’s still sorry, how can u be sorry for something u just dont understand which basically means he’d do it again.

 

ive slept on it, im over it.

so i will be avoiding him as much as possible. it’s a shame that we have certain things to do together i.e xmas lunch with our families.

 

see how all that is going to pan out.

 

 

anyway- today i forgot my mobile phone… 

today is a sad day

I am still angry.

I am angry with my fiance, probably more disappointed than anything. I figured if I slept on it, I would be less angry, it turns out I want to throw a brick his way and hopes it hits him smack into his face. The problem is bricks are heavy and my throwing efforts are depressing of sorts.

To you- this issue may not be a big thing but for me… it is and it annoys me when:

- The other “half” tells me at the end of our working day that he is to catch up with his friend(s). This was in fact an impromptu “catchup”. He never once said “hey you wanna come along”. The answer most likely would be “no” because I was busy anyway. But the problem is this:

1. He NEVER includes me when he catches up with his Mate(s) and YES i could understand if they hadn’t seen each other in months that sometimes you just need your “alone” time to hang out instead of having “someone” else being the 3rd wheel.

So I think to myself:

- either he is ashamed of me and can’t have me around his “friends” (he says he “forgets”, seriously how the fruck do you forget the woman you are marrying?!!?!?!? seriously?? that answer is enough to have me punch him in the face and then stick a needle into his pee pee)

- it’s his subtle way of saying- “i need my own space” because you are in my face all the time. Which is fine but just say so

 

His response to this is 

“next time, i will organize a dinner” as in for whatever reason, apparently i can’t attend impromptu catch-ups because who the heck knows why..

His “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it because frankly it is NOT the first time he excludes me whether delibrate or not and knowing him after being together after 2 years- I know it will happen again.

His “I’m sorry” is a spit in the face. You know why? because whenever I do something or go somewhere (including organizing work functions)- I ALWAYS think of him first, I automatically INCLUDE him. he comes FIRST above most things (not everything) but I still always think of him. Even if I know the answer is going to be NO, It’s just courtesy to ask.

Either this douchebag of a man who I’m “supposed” to marry was brought up to be inconsiderate or he’s selfish.

How does one “lapse” and forget to ask his “other” half.

 

The fact that it was ‘impromptu” never cuts it with me. It’s a load of BS that I have had to put up a long time. It’s kinda like the time where he said he was going to stay overnight at a hotel with the rest of the bridal group with his mates because apparently they all apparently lived “oh so freakin” far from the Melbourne Zoo and that they all had to be on time.

If it were a 9am start to the wedding- sure, I could understand. the damn ceremony didn’t occur until well into 11am. They all could have made it to the Zoo and back had they left at 9am from their houses.

The lie-

“the impromptu going out to bars and clubs after dinner”. he apparently didn’t know that was where they were going to end up. Really? even i saw that coming. man, even a 3 year old kid would have seen that coming. And to have your OTHER half lie to you “blantly” in front of so many guests that they all did nothing really and were in bed at “12am” was the biggest load of crock I had ever heard in my entire life. You know why? Someone in that group of guys were DUMB enough to posts their whereabouts onto facebook. the last place was at 2am. Idiots.

But it’s always this “impromptu” business that gets me…

 

 

I did a post the other day where I HATE selfish morons. This to me is a continuous selfish act (maybe not to you but it is to me and thats all that matters).and having to be “smart” about knowing the “right” questions to catch someone out in a white lie is tiring.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Some friends say that I’m over-reacting. Yes, I probably am. But this issue for me is not tiny, what might be nothing to YOU, has a different meaning to you vice versa.

 

You know, i figured had i written this much of a rant that I would feel better- but it hasn’t. It’s just made me a whole heap angrier.

 

 

 

 

a lot of the times.. i have the window open to type something into xanga

and i get nothing…

 

stuck.. because i got nothing to say

 

-_-”

 

how about that?

I’m finding as I’m getting older that i’m struggling to fall asleep and when i do, I end up having retarded dreams that make me think all day.

If I do manage to fall asleep, and not dreaming ridiculous things then I end up waking up in the middle of the night needing to go to the toilet.

 

Last night was a combination of both- couldn’t sleep, bad dream and needing to go to the toilet.

To top it off, for whatever reason, I started to fret about not keeping in touch with my old high school friends after seeing a photo of us girls together for our year 12 muck up day (that was like 10 years ago).

I don’t know why I wasted my time fretting about fruitless things, sure those girls managed to stay friends, but I had moved on from them a LONG time ago- 10 years in fact. 

I guess in some ways a part of me must long for that old friendship especially when I see them all together attending one another’s birthdays, engagements and weddings. the financial side of me is relieved that I never have to attend (i know i am so lame)

But the reality is- and having to keep telling myself this over and over again last night…

had i not moved on from these group of girls, and found new and different friendships- I wouldn’t be the person i am today (whether that’s a good or bad thing, i dunno) but more importantly, i probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to make different and new friends because there would never be a need to especially if you belong to a clique with a large amount of female friends. 

 

Plus I have this thing- for whatever reason. I can never go pass being friends with more than 4 female friends and be close and loyal to them.

When I hit the quota of “close” female friends, usually someone else drops off the radar and is replaced by someone else. Not sure why that is, whether it’s a subconscious thing or something i do it delibrately. But it’s just the way it happens.

 

But there’s one thing for sure-

I wouldn’t trade up my current friends to go back to my old friends, NOT in a million years.

And friendships go down the road of a 2 way street, sure- i may have not made any effort, but after graduating from year 12, not ONE of those girls have EVER made contact or try to make contact with me to say “hey linda, how’s it going”. 

It probably would have helped my cause had I gone to uni with at least one of them, or didn’t spend so much time with my then bf. But you know what? It’s really water under the bridge.

 

I commend those who are able to keep their friendships with their old high school friends and still hang out with them. I’m just “friends” with them on facebook. and i think that’s enough for me,

 

 

Wedding update:

 

• I had my first makeup trial. I have to say, i was impressed with the makeup artist and her skills. She was very good, needless to say I have booked her in.

Although in saying that- I will have another trial with another makeup artist- just in case for whatever reason things go pear shape with the current one.

 

• I also went to a local florist (near my work) and got the pricing for bouquets etc. The pricing was pretty average but what blew me away was the pricing for the “button holes”. This place wanted $18 for one. My friend got hers done for $4 each.  I think I nearly died when they told me how much they wanted to charge. 

I will definitely be going with the same florist my friend used for her wedding, not only were the flowers fresh for the entire day but the prices won’t break the bank(not entirely anyway).

 

• We’re spending part of our xmas break to check out the church (hopefully catch a xmas service just to see what it looks like on the inside) and potentially the wedding registry in the city just to compare. We’re also going to sort out our invitations- everything will be confirmed once we can book in the church..

 

One thing about marrying someone with an accounting background is that they put everything into spreadsheets and graph everything. We now have a shared “google” excel spreadsheet… It’s impressive because he created it and listed everything that we needed to have done. 

 

Our next thing on our lists:

1. book the photographer
2. book the cars
3. book the band
4. sort out dance lessons

Yes- the ball is starting to roll again- thanks to the other half. I wasn’t kidding when I said I kinda gave up because I stopped caring.

 

 

so tonight i made a decision to do some xmas shopping- there is really ONLY one person I have to buy for because my family really don’t celebrate Xmas per se as such…

even though my fiance specifically said to me “let’s not spend any money this xmas”…because he’s bought me an engagement ring that literally broke his bank account, i suspect he’s still reeling from that experience.

Plus, i did buy him a very expensive pen for our 2 year anniversary. Who knew a pen could cost like $500 odd bucks- yup that’s right, for some unknown reason, my partner is into “expensive” pens. And so I ended up buying a Mont Blanc pen. Did you know each pen is serialized etc – thats how they know if you have a “real” or “fake” pen.

 

as you can see, gifting- between the both of us has become a very expensive exercise. and no, then pen has “no” real significance in regards to our relationship other than he just wanted one and apparently it makes “contract signing” all the more “better”. Yeah- for $500 odd bucks (and they’re just starting prices too mind you), it better be a good experience for both the contract-or and contract-ee.

 

anyway… so he made this dumb ass rule (actually he does it every year) that we were NOT to spend anything on each other for xmas.

I never agreed to it anyway, even though that’s what he said he would do. I don’t mind if he doesnt buy me anything, because i do agree on the fact that the engagement ring is enough, and really- there isn’t anything that I want anyway.

 

BUT.. that doesnt mean i can’t buy for him right? It’s not like he’s going to go back into the shops to demand a refund. I know he won’t. He’d get a bit angry, but he’ll get over it…if he doesn’t, I’d drive him over the Westgate Bridge and he should have gotten over it by the time we get to the other end. HAHAHAHAH

 

can’t wait to see his reaction when he thinks i got him nothing and he ended up with what he’s been wanting all this time…

I tell you what i got for him AFTER xmas (if someone reminds me)- if no one mentions it- then  oh wells.

 

 

I find governments tend to be “reactive” instead of proactive about making changes or bringing about change. Either because they think it’s a politically suicidal, or there’s no money in the government coffers.

I would LOVE to have a Proactive government but that will never happen… it’s always going to be reactive and usually in ALL levels of government.

For example:

I remember our school lobbying with the local council to get a set of traffic lights because people wouldn’t stop just because there was a lolly-pop person. The response from the authorities: “they will consider only if there is a tragedy”- yes basically they wait for a number of “deaths” and “severe” accidents that cause people to be handicapped before change comes about.

 

Or the state government changing the speed limits around schools to a 40km zone (and that only came about) obviously with way too many primary and secondary school students ending up as road carnage.

 

Or the Federal government spending billions of dollars upgrading school buildings but that wasn’t UNTIL many of the buildings were already falling apart.

But many of these changes to law etc did not come about because the governments were “proactive” and decided to act before such terrible things occurred, they occurred because it had already happened. But at least, our governments DO something about it, albeit a little too late at times but better than never at all.

 

We don’t have to look to far but look at our American friends. Change DOES NOT come about after each shooting where dozens of lives lost because someone else has problems with their own lives but for whatever reason decide to take it out on the innocent people going about their day to day lives.

You would have thought change would have come about with the first crazy shooting at Virginia Tech, where dozens of families who lost their loves one were asking “why”.

yes WHY indeed? Why did nothing change after the shooting? Why are so many Americans go on the defensive the moment  they hear “gun control’ because clearly there is a need.  Why are all the American politicians so dense and stubborn, and to afraid to make change? Obviously the GUN lobbying groups are a lot stronger voice than those of the dead and the suffering. Maybe change would come about if each and every one of those lobbyist had their wife/husband/child maimed and killed by a psychopathic idiot where access to guns is way too easy? Perhaps then change would be pushed their government a lot faster than nothing at all.

But no, nothing happens.. and so the rest of the world witnesses more senseless shootings ranging from Colombine, Colorado and now at a primary school where young children who would have had the rest of their lives to enjoy life cut short because nothing changed.

 

I’m an Australian and I find the news of the young massacred in such a senseless way really heart breaking, and even I ask “why? and WTF”

I am proud of the fact that our government- REACTIVELY reacting 15 or so years ago when a man decided that he was going to GUN down innocent people at Port Arthur and our government of the day decided that firearms of the sought were going to be banned and spent a lot of money rewarding those who had them to turn them in – no questions asked.

Sure- it was something that should have been done years ago, but seriously, it was better that something happened than nothing at all.

because at least, unlike our American friends who are mourning over the lives that were lost over the weekend, we don’t have to ask “why”

 

that senseless killing that occurred in the united states at the school… is just heart breaking.

Innocent young lives because some psychopath couldn’t keep his trigger happy to himself.

 

I hope wherever those lost loved ones go, that they’re all now in a better place.

 

R.I.P