A friend of mine told me that they’re now in a bit of a pickle which reminds me of another friend’s situation but not so dire.

 

It turns out that their marriage hasn’t been so honky dory (even though they’ve been selling it to their family and friends that it is)…

anyway, so the couple who’s been married for a couple of years have been bickering non stop to the point where it would end in tears for one of them or both. However it would only ever be the one person who was picking the fights, and finding the faults in their relationship etc(not my friend’s doing)

And so my friend’s other half (sorry i’m being vague as I really don’t want to identify them but had the okay to blog about it. -yeah haha) decided that they had enough and that considering this person was also  being forced by their company to travel to another state for a minimum of a month- anywhere up to 3months that it would be a GREAT opportunity for them to do a “trial separation” because you know sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.

My friend was really reluctant about it because:

1. they really hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve any of this, you know just because ONE person is very much or what seems to be dissatisfied with their situation for whatever reasons (seriously some of the faults are kinda WTF, like some of it can’t be helped)

2. trial separation can lead to real separation and then divorce

3. my friend really LOVES their other half, always has etc.

 

Now, at this point, my friend didn’t have much a choice because their “other half” was insistent that this was how it was going to be and bullied them into it, or ELSE (or else what? more verbal abuse? getting upset over nothing? picking faults that don’t really exists? seriously.. the worse would be a divorce...)

and at the end of the day, my friend figured that it was going to be easier to just agree with it all because frankly the potential couple of months away from each other could be good for them. Hoping that when their other half went away, hopefully realised that what they had was really good and come back to appreciate it.

Plus there was a lot of comparisons to their “married” lives to their “friends” married lives. Or their “friends who were engaged” lives.. you know the whole “omg so and so’s wife just got a promotion!!?!? and they’re earning this much” or “so and so’s husband just got a new car, and we drive such a crappy second hand car”- like i said, somethings can’t be helped and they would fight over things like that.

Anyway, so off the other half went (for work), and they did their trial seperation. The rules were laid down- basically like a real seperation (like i mentioned) which basically meant that if they came back and there was something else, then oh well, too bad.

See, for me… at this point- i just assume that “the other half” was CHEATING. i mean what the heck man? who would make such a call? I figured the otherhalf probably was seeing someone else on the side, being sly. And hoping to make it work interstate hence the seperation.

 

But like you never know with relationships, turns out this person did go interstate. and All reports (from friends in that state) etc was that this person just partied a lot, but never “other” people around. Turns out after a couple of months, they realized that they had a good thing back home and that living alone in another state made them cherished home “just that little bit more”

 

The problem is……

 

my friend… met someone… feelings didn’t develop straight away. they were 100% committed to their other half (at the time)… but with time, things change.

They got to see what it was like to be appreciated, to be respected, to be cared for- everything that their current marriage was not. It also made my friend realize exactly how unhappy they too were unhappy in the marriage or the fact that they had spent way to long being the “YES” person, the sidekick, the punching bag, the doormat to this one person.

 

so now my friend’s dilemma-

1. stay with their other half- been married for such a long time, there were some good moments. lots of shared memories. and try to rebuild their relationship and fix their marriage (because their other half is now begging- very well aware that there’s someone else in the picture and even more scared to lose everything that they have built together.

OR

2. move forward with the divorce and start a life with this new person…

 

the problem my friend has:

 

1. other half may go back to being an a**h*le, and nothing really changes over a long period of time

2. the other person- it’s still in a honeymoon phase.. who knows if it’s going to last

3. divorce would shatter their family…

 

and my friend doesn’t want to be “stringing” two people at the same time… they want to do something about it… soon too because the other half is soon to come back home..

and if things aren’t going to work out then my friends planning to move out of their marital home and back to their parents.

if it does work out, then they gotta say goodbye to the other person (they’re aware of the situation too)

 

 

my 2 cents: never take things for granted…it may not be you who will finds that the grass is actually greener on the other side. and why give your partner the opportunity to find out?

 

 

 

it’s just 2kgs every month.

i keep telling myself that.

if i set myself simple goals.. maybe i’d be able to lose some weight.

currently I’m sitting at 81 kgs.

 

So by the end of November.. i aim to be 79kgs (less would be even better).

 

How i get there is a different story… it’s hard losing weight.

they say, it’s all about getting the diet right. yes, thats true but my one biggest vice is food. I mean come on, you gotta give me something! I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs…

to eat less, i need to drink more water, but i’m finding that im always “water bloated”… and it’s not the nicest feeling to have being water bloated.

 

drink more water, no more snacking on chips and definately refrain from eating all those yummy jelly bellys from the office (they all say “eat me eat me”)

and i need to commit to at least swimming three times a week again, starting from Wednesday (unfortunately) Im too busy tomorrow, and i have spanish classes on Mondays

 

see… losing weight isnt easy.

 

 

Ever since the introduction of the internet, it’s made human interaction very interesting.

In some ways it’s awesome.

I mean i can chat to my cousin who lives in Singapore and discuss the housing market in Australia (win!)- Thank you Skype

I can see my friend’s children grow up in New York -Thank you email and facebook.

In some ways it’s not so awesome.

 

many people (including myself) think just because you have someone on facebook, twitter or read their blog.. it’s pretty much the same as having actual interactions with that other person. It’s not. It’s a trap, I, too have fallen too.

i mean it gives us a false sense of … well not security… but it makes us think that just because we read their facebook or twitter updates that we’re up to date with our friend’s lives or that it’s sufficient enough. In truth, it’s not. I mean people, including myself don’t update whether on facebook, twitter, xanga and those countless other accounts out there on everything. Especially not the ones that bother us. Most of the time, it’s about the really good stuff, or in my case “the annoying stuff” but that doesn’t mean it’s everything that’s going on or that matters. 

Blogs, and the social network sites really just show one side of the equation… and unless a friendship is based on “one side of a person” then there’s something really wrong.

I guess if that’s what the friendship was built based on i.e someone ONLY reading the blog or just twitter updates.. then sure.

but come on- that’s a lazy friendship or almost one that’s not really in existence or lacking.

And like i’ve mentioned, I, too have fallen for that trap.. where i figured- hey ive been keeping up to date with X Y Z’s facebook’s page that it’s good enough or that i occasionally say hello to them on facebook/gmail chat that it’s the same. 

Until of course, i went through the course of cleaning up the “friendship” list on facebook (half the people deleted were people who i wasn’t really friends with) and the other half were people who i should have bothered to make contact and hang out again but in reality too lazy to do something about it because hey- the convenience of the internet keeps me “posted”

 

which is kinda wrong.

 

and if you’re a friend who’s reading my blog and haven’t done anything other than keeping up to date with my life via my blog (and facebook updates).

what the hell man…

 

what the hell!

 

So I learnt something new..

In spanish, fiance is Novio.

So from now on I’ll be mentioning my Novio instead of finace.

if that confuses you… you always have google!

 

 

Some of my friends figured that I’d up the ante with the wedding preparations but in all honesty, after the caterers and venue was booked. I’ve kinda slacked off completely.

I have kinda looked at the following:

-wedding cakes,

-wedding rings

-wedding music i.e band/dj

-celebrant/church/registry

-invitations

 

But haven’t really made a commitment to anything and have only been doing that.. Just looking. At the end of the day, when you really look at it, there’s still 18mths to go but time goes by really quickly. I remember this time last year my cousin telling me she was getting married in May 2013. And now there’s literally about 6 or so months to her wedding (and she’s done next to no planning)..

When it really boils down, a wedding – whether great or bad boils down to the bride, only because the bride’s usually the one who’s had to string everything together (including the countless hours of research). If they take a lax attitude(to which I’m starting to do) and it doesn’t pan out the way the wanted it- well they should have done something about it sooner.

But then I guess, there are times when things don’t go to plan (I’ve been to several weddings where crazy things happen like no cake, wrong cake or two many cakes etc).. but then it comes down to the planning and the person.

If you’re one of those “blase” people who doesn’t really care and are able to go with the flow, then it wouldn’t matter if things don’t go as planned because you could just wing it.

but for most (including myself), having a back-up plan and playing the “worst case scenarios” ahead of times allows you to relax, and possibly stress less when things literally go AWOL.

 

However, for the most part of the day, the guests won’t notice all the intricate details that the brides put in but just the basic things like 

-the look of the cake

-the basic look of the venue

-the dress

-the food

 

but it’s those intricate things that without some prior and proper planning, would go astray and the day not necessarily flowing as well.

 

so the more i type this, the more i realize i better get cracking…

 

The one thing I have delegated to the other half is the honeymoon.

If he gets it wrong, he will spend the next Xth amount of his life in the dog house.

 

 

 

so now that it’s all official…

it feels kinda surreal…

 

ive been amazed at the warming responses that i have received from my family and friends. at how excited everybody is… i mean whats not to be excited about???

 

i think it became more REAL when i finally got my ring re-sized and could properly wear the ring on the correct finger.

except i think i didnt re-size it properly because it’s still a little tight. -_-”

 

but instead of getting it fixed again (because i cant be bothered), i think it’s a sign from above to tell me to lose some decent weight!

 

if i become skinnier, lets hope my fat fingers become skinny fingers!!!

 

speaking of fat fingers, when we were in sydney, we assumed that it was easy enough to go to a jeweller to get them to re-size (little did we know that the ring actually had to be taken away etc etc). and a salesperson from a store (which happened to be in the QVB) said to me whilst trying to help me work out what size ring i needed to be that i had

“larger than normal size fingers”.. yes the guy basically said i had fat fingers!!!

 

i know.. how rude.

i seriously need to manage my time a lot better.

How the hell did i manage to have a meeting at 1pm then another at 3.30pm?

hotel check out was at 10am.. which basically means i am currently sitting at the brisbane airport tapping away… because now i have about 2 hours to kill some decent time.

 

i was kinda excited when i looked at my laptop and the clock said “11.43am” when reality it’s only 10.43am. damn queenslanders and not willing to change over to the daylight savings time…

so now i have a lot of time to kill… wayyy too much time..  

 

and when i finish all of my meetings, im supposed to catch a 6pm flight out of brisbane which gets me back to melbourne at 9pm… it’s a 2hr flight, except the time difference makes it all the more worse.

 

i hope i can bump my airfare to the next available flight. i should be able to.. because the return airfare was reallllly expensive..

 

:/

 

i fly out to sydney in 2 weeks. and then a week after that…

 

oh… it’s going to be interesting